A labor and delivery nurse in San Diego has sparked a viral conversation by detailing the frequently disappointing and frustrating behavior she witnesses from husbands and partners during childbirth. Through candid TikTok videos, Nurse Kim, known as @nursekimwellness, compiled a list of the most problematic attitudes, revealing a pattern of neglect, selfishness, and misplaced priorities that leaves many questioning the standard of support some women receive in one of life’s most vulnerable moments.
The Viral Catalog of Delivery Room Failures
Nurse Kim’s observations began as a response to a question from another healthcare professional: does working in labor and delivery make her hate men? Her answer, delivered in a series of widely shared videos, was a nuanced critique of specific behaviors rather than a blanket condemnation. She methodically listed the types of partners whose actions provide what she calls “the ick”—a feeling of deep discomfort and disappointment. Her first installment highlighted five common categories, painting a picture of a support system that sometimes fails entirely.
The Distracted and Demanding Partner
Among the most frequent offenders, Nurse Kim identified husbands who treat the delivery room as a personal lounge. These men are often more concerned with their own comfort and entertainment than the monumental event unfolding beside them. She described instances of partners engrossed in video games on their phones or taking lengthy personal calls while their wives endured intense labor. Their presence becomes passive, a mere spectator rather than an active participant in the birth process.
Furthermore, some men adopt a consumer mindset towards the medical staff. Nurse Kim recounted partners who demand service, asking nurses for water or snacks for themselves, treating the hospital like a hotel and the professionals like waitstaff. This behavior not only diverts attention from the patient but also creates an atmosphere where the mother’s needs are secondary to the partner’s minor comforts.
The Unhelpful and Obstructionist Presence
Another category involves husbands who, despite being physically present, actively hinder the process. Nurse Kim pointed to partners who “get in the way,” asking redundant questions, challenging medical advice without basis, or creating unnecessary drama that distracts from the focused, clinical environment required for safe delivery. Their anxiety or desire to control manifests as interference, adding stress rather than alleviating it for both the mother and the medical team.
A Second Wave of More Serious Offenses
Noting she had ample material, Nurse Kim released a follow-up video detailing a “Top 5” of even more severe and troubling behaviors. This list moved beyond annoyance into actions that compromise the mother’s autonomy, safety, and emotional well-being.
The Partner Who Prioritizes Family Over Wife
A particularly egregious type is the “spineless” husband who advocates for his mother’s presence in the delivery room against the wishes of his laboring partner. Nurse Kim highlighted the dynamic of the dreaded mother-in-law (MIL) being inserted into the birth experience, a scenario where the partner’s loyalty shifts from supporting his wife to appeasing his parent. This betrayal of the mother’s comfort and consent during an intensely personal medical event can create lasting emotional damage and undermine the trust within the couple.
The Husband Who Refuses Shared Responsibility
Nurse Kim also called out husbands who refuse to get a vasectomy, thereby expecting their wives to undergo a major surgical procedure—like a tubal ligation—to prevent future pregnancies. This highlights a profound imbalance in reproductive responsibility, where the burden of permanent contraception falls solely on the woman despite there being a safer, less invasive option for the man. It reflects a lack of partnership in family planning long after the delivery room experience.
The Request for an “Extra Stitch”
Perhaps the most infamous and disturbing behavior mentioned is the husband who seeks an “extra stitch”—a colloquial and medically nonsensical reference to a request for the obstetrician to alter the wife’s vaginal repair after childbirth for the perceived benefit of the husband’s sexual pleasure. Nurse Kim’s mention of this practice underscores a shocking objectification of the woman immediately after she has endured childbirth, reducing her profound physical experience to a concern about male sexual gratification.
The Public Reaction and a Broader Cultural Conversation
The videos resonated deeply, generating thousands of comments that echoed Nurse Kim’s frustrations and expanded the discussion. One man’s response encapsulated the shock many felt: “I did not realize the bar was SO LOW.” This sentiment speaks to a widespread assumption that basic, empathetic support during childbirth is a given, which Nurse Kim’s anecdotes brutally disprove.
Other comments reflected a more drastic reevaluation of relationships. One woman stated, “God, I’m so thankful I’m lesbian,” highlighting how these stories can reinforce perspectives on gender dynamics and partnership. The conversation has clearly moved beyond individual anecdotes to touch on broader themes of empathy, gender roles, and what constitutes true support in a medical crisis.
Understanding the Context and Consequences
Childbirth, while often framed as a natural miracle, is a major medical event with significant physical and emotional risks. The mother’s body undergoes extreme stress, and her mental state is paramount for both the process and the initial bonding with the newborn. A supportive, attentive partner can positively influence outcomes by reducing the mother’s stress, advocating for her needs, and providing a sense of security.
The Impact of Poor Support
Conversely, the behaviors Nurse Kim describes can increase anxiety, contribute to feelings of isolation, and potentially complicate the clinical environment. Distracted or demanding partners divert nursing attention. Conflicts over family presence create emotional turmoil. Objectifying comments can inflict psychological harm that extends into postpartum recovery. In a situation where things “can go wrong in a matter of seconds,” a partner’s role is not merely ceremonial; it is a functional part of the care team.
Not All Men, But Enough to Warrant Discussion
Nurse Kim and commenters readily acknowledge that not all husbands behave this way. Many are exemplary, providing unwavering support. However, the frequency and consistency of these negative reports from healthcare professionals suggest a pattern that is common enough to be a recognizable category of experience for labor nurses. It points to a gap in education, expectation-setting, and perhaps societal norms about what active, respectful partnership looks like during childbirth.
Raising the Bar for Delivery Room Support
The underlying message from Nurse Kim’s viral reports is a call for awareness and improvement. It serves as a public service announcement for expectant fathers: your role is active, not passive. Preparation should involve discussions about the mother’s wishes for the birth environment, understanding the basic process of labor, and committing to being a present advocate, not a spectator or a source of additional stress.
For couples, these stories provide a crucial pre-birth checklist. They underscore the importance of communicating expectations about phone use, family visitation, and the division of attention. They highlight the need for the partner to educate themselves on the process so their involvement is helpful, not obstructive. Ultimately, they redefine the “bar” for support, moving it from mere physical presence to engaged, empathetic, and respectful participation.
The viral nature of this nurse’s account has performed a vital function: it has externalized a conversation often held privately among women and healthcare workers. By bringing these behaviors into the public light, it challenges societal complacency and offers a mirror for potential partners to evaluate their intended role. In doing so, it advocates for a higher standard of care within the partnership itself, ensuring that the delivery room becomes a space of unified support, where the miracle of birth is met with commensurate respect and compassion for the person bringing it forth.
